Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired

(Source)

I am SO over this. It's been 5 years, and I am tired of this - excuse my French - shit! I've reached a point where every time I hear something along the lines of "Well you look good!", "POTS isn't a serious thing," "You'll grow out of it, right?" or "I'm tired of hearing about it," I have to restrain myself from getting physical. And I would like to reserve a few very special punches for the "medical professionals" who told me 5 years ago that "nothing was wrong;" that is was just "all in my head and to take some ibuprofen." I am mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. I never know when my symptoms are going to come around, or for that matter, WHICH symptoms! I go for days without sleeping more than 6 hours total (thank you, insomnia!), my digestive tract like to act up at the most inopportune times, my chest pain flares randomly, my chest bumps like shoes in a dryer, and now I can't even stand long enough to do my 4-hour shift at work. Thanks to the summer heat, compression stockings are out of the question, and the company I happen to work for refuses to let employees sit down during their shifts... EVEN FOR MEDICAL REASONS!!!! After finishing a particularly tiring and symptomatic shift, I explained the situation to my boss only to be met with "Well, maybe this isn't the right job for you." It was all I could do to hold the tears in until I left. It was like someone punched me in the gut. He might as well have told me this:

(Source) 

It didn't help when my family told me to "get a real job," that I "don't need that job." Yeah, I would LOVE to get a real job! That's what I'm going to college for. Oh wait... that's right, I'M NOT IN COLLEGE BECAUSE MY BODY SUCKS. So in the meantime, I need a sub-par job to earn money to go back to school. And it's not like I really get to pick and choose which job I take because, in case you haven't noticed, our economy is in the crapper and this was the only job I got. So yes, I kind of DO need this job. 

My gluten free attempt is slipping, working out... what's that? I'm getting rid of my brain-mouth filter. I just don't give a shit. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. Say what you will about me, but as aforementioned... I DON'T CARE. Unless they are positive things, which I always appreciate and I may shower you with rainbows and puppies and cupcakes and glitter.  

So I'll be attempting to get through another paltry yet agonizing 4-hour shift tomorrow, then on Thursday I have cardiologist appointment #2 of the year (which should be interesting as my appointment notice lists a different doctor than I have been seeing...). Friday night I've got a staff meeting for work and I don't anticipate sleeping because I have to get up at 3, 3:30 am on Saturday for a Congenital Heart Walk!! Updates to follow...

Just a warning... 

(Source)

Thanks for checking in!

Sydney :)