One of my listed occupations in my blog profile is "Diva." And what a full time job that is! A main duty of being a Diva includes knowing how to throw a proper hissy fit, especially if you live in the South. Most of the time, these outbursts are reserved for the privacy of the bedroom in order to save face, but can occasionally be thrown in pubic areas where people are prone to stress. My example? The DMV. This is a perfectly acceptable place to throw a hissy fit (in my humble opinion), especially when those tricky test questions for the permit/ license trip you up. I had gotten to the last question of the written portion of my test and missed it - my last allowable "wrong answer," if you will. I had studied the manual ALLLL week! It was a simple enough test; how could this BE?!?!?!? I have a few ideas of how it could be, but none of them are exactly appropriate or lady-like, so I shall refrain from sharing them. Needless to say, I felt like a complete moron. This resulted in several, intermittent hissy fits during the rest of the day: the first of which occurred right after I failed in the DMV lobby.
Now, I know lots of people fail the test the first time. But that doesn't mean I spared myself from my own criticism and mental self-flagellation. No sir. I do not accept failure from myself, especially when it concerns such a simple task such as a 25-question multiple-choice permit test. Ever since the 3rd grade I have been a perfectionist, even to the point where my elementary school teachers were concerned and wanted me to be seen by a counselor. Perhaps it was knowing that I was meant to be a physician from the age of four; perhaps it was knowing that without the perfectionist attitudes of my own doctors, I wouldn't be here today; maybe it's just genetics. But whatever the reason, failing that test ate me alive. I don't fail tests. I got accepted into 5 of the 6 colleges I applied to, graduated high school with a 4.7 GPA, earned 4s and 5s on a couple of my AP exams. I have only earned 2 Cs in my life, the first time being in Calculus my senior year and the second time in my full-of-crap general philosophy class at JMU. I earned a B in Biology 114 (the bio majors' bio), an A in Biology 203 (Viral Discovery and Genomic research laboratory), and an A in Foreign Language 490 (Medieval Latin, thank you very much). I DON'T DO FAILURE.
It wasn't just failing that test, though. Events throughout entire week (or month, really) leading up to my diva-sized meltdown only added to the stress. I switched pacemaker doctors and hospitals entirely, and have my first appointment with my new doc tomorrow but never received paperwork; the results from my last month-long heart monitor were never received by my POTS cardiologist, so I signed an authorization to have them released to me a MONTH ago, and STILL have not gotten them; the results from my 24-hour heart monitor turned up NOTHING despite my feeling many symptoms, and will probably not help me in my quest for answers; my POTS has been even less predictable lately and a few new symptoms have started cropping up; I still don't know when I will be returning to real school; the realization that I will need to start paying off the massive student loans I took out last summer has hit me, and I have no money or job to support that; my Internet has been smoking crack an not working very reliably; and there has been an increase in people not believing that I truly am still ill. On top of all of that, I failed that simple little test to get my driver's permit, and Mother Nature decided to play her monthly cruel joke on me (which is a huge problem for people who already struggle with low blood-volume). So I'm going to blame my poor performance on the fact that POTS symptoms were being exacerbated by Nature's disinclination toward women. Yeah. That works, right? Then let the hissy fits commence!
Blah. I am thoroughly exhausted from throwing so many hissy fits and from the utter abuse the Universe has deemed necessary to put my body through. Here's to hoping I get some decent sleep tonight and that I won't have to show my Diva tomorrow at the hospital (another perfectly acceptable place to throw a fit if one is warranted). Lord knows I've thrown plenty in my old hospital.
And now for a tribute to the finest Bitch Fit ever thrown in the history of Divadom:
Remember:
Keep Calm
and if that doesn't work
Throw a Major Hissy Fit!
Sydney the Diva ;)
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